The Changing Season

Sometimes I look back on my life like it's a book.

There are chapters I can remember so clearly. I can tell you what was happening in my life during certain years, what we were doing, where we were living, what we were worried about, and what we were excited about. Some chapters seem to have their own feeling attached to them.

Not seasons in the sense of winter, spring, summer and fall. Seasons of life.

And lately, I've had this feeling that I'm standing at the end of one season and the beginning of another.

I can't quite explain it. Maybe it's because it's August, and I can already feel fall somewhere in the distance. The mornings will eventually get cooler. The air will change. The leaves will start to turn. There's something about that transition that makes me stop and think.

But I think it's more than the weather.

So much around me is changing.

My business is changing. I've made some big investments, made some big plans, and I'm looking at things differently than I did even a year ago. I'm restructuring some things and taking some chances. There are bigger expenses and bigger goals, and if I'm being honest, there's a definite element of taking a leap of faith.

I'm excited about it.

I'm nervous about it, too.

And I'm thankful.

Those feelings somehow manage to exist at the same time.

My family is changing, too. My kids are growing into adults and moving into their own seasons of life. Decisions are being made. Careers are beginning. Independence is growing. The little things that once seemed so far away suddenly aren't far away at all.

People I love are going through their own transitions. Children are leaving home, starting college, beginning careers, getting married, learning to drive, becoming parents. Some people are making difficult decisions about their homes and what the next part of their lives should look like.

There have been losses, too.

There always are.

I've lived long enough to know that life can put incredible joy and incredible heartbreak right beside each other. Sometimes you don't even get time to process one before the next thing comes along.

And maybe that's why I've been thinking about seasons so much lately.

I used to dread the coming of fall.

For a long time, the crisp, cool air and shorter days reminded me of loss. My dad died in October, and for years that time of year carried a heaviness with it. Fall felt like an announcement that the darker days were coming.

But somewhere along the way, that changed.

Over the last few years, I started looking forward to fall. I found myself excited about being in my workshop, learning my machines, creating things, making things with my own hands. I found something to look forward to in a season that used to make me sad.

This year feels different again.

I'm still looking forward to it.

I'm still excited about the crisp air, the changing leaves, and spending time creating.

But now there's something else sitting alongside that excitement.

A different kind of responsibility.

I need this business to work. I need it to grow. I've put a lot into it, and I have bigger plans for where I want to take it.

So The Workshop that once represented a place to escape into creativity is becoming something more. It's becoming part of how I build the life I want.

And that's exciting.

And terrifying.

And completely mine.

I'm not usually an open book. There are people close to me who probably don't know everything that goes on behind the scenes in my life. I don't feel the need to put every detail out into the world, and I certainly don't want to tell other people's stories for them.

But this week, I've had a lot of feelings.

Maybe that's what happens when you realize you're standing at the edge of a chapter.

You start looking backward.

You think about everything that brought you here. You look around and realize how many people you love are standing at their own crossroads, too.

And maybe that's another part of growing older: you begin to realize that everyone is carrying a story you can't see.

The person sending their child off to college.

The parent watching a child leave home.

The person starting over.

The person grieving what used to be.

The person excited about what's ahead.

The person who looks perfectly fine on the outside but is quietly trying to figure out what comes next.

We are all somewhere in the middle of a story.

And life keeps changing whether we're ready for it or not.

I've learned that change isn't automatically loss. Sometimes change is how life makes room for something good.

That doesn't mean every change is easy. It doesn't mean everything that happens is good. I've lived long enough to know that some changes break your heart.

But I've also learned that you can miss what was while still being grateful for what is. You can be scared of what comes next and still be excited about it.

And that's where I find myself right now.

I'm not writing this from the other side of the transition, looking back and saying, "Look how everything worked out."

I don't know how everything is going to work out.

I'm writing this while I'm standing in it.

Right here.

In August. The eve of my 46th birthday.

With a business I'm betting on, a family growing and changing, people I love entering new chapters of their own, and a whole lot of unknown pages ahead.

And I don't want to look back at this particular season someday and see a woman who was too afraid to appreciate it because she was worried about what came next.

I want to remember that I was paying attention.

I want to remember the excitement and the nervousness and the gratitude.

I want to remember that I knew things were changing, even though I didn't know exactly what they were changing into.

Maybe someday I'll look back on these words and think, Well, you certainly didn't see THAT coming.

And that's okay, too.

Because maybe the point isn't knowing what the next chapter holds.

Maybe it's being present enough to actually live the one you're in.

This isn't the end of the book.

I'm not closing it.

I'm just turning the page.

There's a brand-new chapter waiting, and I have a feeling it's going to have some suspense, a lot of love, a few unexpected plot twists, and hopefully plenty of good things I can't see coming yet.

It is scary not knowing how this story ends but I AM excited. Me. The "notoriously famous for having anxiety over changes" person. I'm in my feelings so big right now.

I'm excited.